FINANCIAL FALLOUT SHELTER Welcome back
to the Financial Fallout Shelter, with the national debt now
more than ten trillion dollars. The White House today enacted
an emergency plan to eliminate all of the United State’s
financial obligations to foreign nations by faking a violent
coup of the American government. The coup is expected
to take much of the strain off of America’s real economy,
providing the global community does not discover the rules. The fake coup began at 10am today,
when fake rebel leader Octavius Del Monte stormed congress and pretended
to kill several congressmen. Hear my words China, Japan,
and the United Arab Emirates. The United States of America and
all its vast debt, no longer exists. Henceforth, this land will be called Octavia.
Do not even try to collect funds owed. The militants brandished
plastic guns and wore costumes, lawmakers stayed up late
last night making themselves. I believe you
have the wrong room, sir. Ooh! Oh!
– What is the meaning of this? Be quiet, woman! After a five-minute mock
battle, Congress and the President ceded control of the nation to Octavius,
who is believed to be played by Deputy Secretary of Agriculture,
Charles Connor. You know how when
someone dies and all their debts go away,
and no one has to pay them? Well, this is like that,
except with countries. The Countries’
creditors will be told the paper containing the country’s
debts was destroyed in the scuffle. Someone save
the record of our debts! Congress will
also use computer graphics to simulate some of the fake coup’s
more complicated details, such as the explosion that
blows-up the treasury building. Representatives on both sides
of the isle said the plan was the best option left
for lowering our debt after ideas like burning down the country
for the insurance money and disguising the nation
as Canada were deemed infeasible. The White House is also asking
all American citizens to call their friends
in other countries to complain about the
new dictatorship. And in accordance with
pretending to comply with Octavius’
media control policy, this network will
now be broadcasting Octavia’s National Anthem
for three hours every day. Thank you for watching
and god bless Octavia. STILL AHEAD: OCTAVIA ANNOUNCES
PLANS TO APPLY FOR CREDIT REPORT